nio
University Graduate.
Gamer. Art Fanatic.
Cake Decorator. GF.
Makeup Enthusiast.
And Advice Giver.

 visiting

To those sending me messages, I am off to bed. I am sorry I can’t get back to you tonight, but I need to be awake in a few hours for work. 

Goodnight everyone!

Anonymous said:
I don't know if you answer these kind of questions or not, but do you have any idea about how to deal with panic attacks? I have had them for a while now and no one seems to understand how they affect my life. My friends have stopped inviting me out because they don't want me to be a downer and have to "baby" me if I get a panic attack while we're out at a bar or nightclub. I am frustrated with the lot of them and have explained over and over again what triggers them and it is useless.

I try to answer everything I can to the best of my ability! 

Anxiety ridden human over here who used to have panic and asthma attacks often! I hope I can help.

Well if you know what triggers you, that’s a great start! Seeking out someone to talk to about your anxiety is a fantastic place to begin. You do not need to be having these, and if you get help, you can come to terms with your triggers and get better.

Exhibit A, myself! Just the thought of talking to strangers used to really freak me out. I remember one day, when I was 16, I had a panic attack because I had to put my hair up into a ponytail at work. I was so panicked at the idea of people looking at me and judging me, that I could not live an ordinary life. So I eventually got help for it and I faced my triggers. Now I wear my hair up everyday at my new job and I actively engage in conversation with strangers. Avoiding your triggers can only get you so far, but learning how to get over them can really change your life. 

When it becomes so bad that it’s hindering you from going out with the people you love, it needs to be taken care of. Nothing should ever be stopping you from living. Please, even going to a walk-in clinic can help you get recommend to someone who you can talk to about this. As for your friends, they need to stop acting like this is trivial. I can guarantee that if they hear that you’re seeking help to get better, they will be very supportive of you. I’m sure they all just want to have a good night with you without anything bad happening, they just lack the ability to express that without being rude. It’s frustrating for everyone. 

For now, do the very best you can. But please consider getting some professional help. I don’t want you having panic attacks anymore. 

Anonymous said:
By the power bestowed in me by the Anon Elders, I hereby name you official Mama Bear and Counselor to all of tumblr. Long live the queen!

Do I …take a bow? Curtsey? Do a little dance?

This is my first time. I’m nervous.

Anonymous said:
how old were you when you lost your virginity? and at what age do you think is a normal time for people to start having sex?

Many people seem to ask me this! I was almost 19 years old when I lost my virginity. I did so when I was ready. I can’t say what age is normal for anything. Everyone develops differently, feels differently, and does things differently.

A better question to ask is when I think people should start to have sex. I think people should start when they can understand the repercussions and consequences of having sex. This includes being knowledgable on how to properly use various birth controls. As well as how to avoid getting sexually transmitted diseases and infections, to know how to get tested, and to get tested whenever they have a new partner. I also think they should have sex when they can legally consent to their partner(s).

If everyone is being safe, not doing anything illegal, and not hurting anyone, who cares?

Anonymous said:
Will you tell us three things about yourself that we don't know that are deeply personal (but you're still comfy sharing)?

To be perfectly honest, I’m comfortable sharing anything about myself. If you’re ever curious about anything, just ask.

Here’s some things that I will never admit in person unless asked:

  • I have been cheated on by every single person who has ever gotten close to me.
  • I am deeply into BDSM. My boyfriend isn’t.
  • I was bullied a lot growing up. I used to get beat up in school because of my appearance. I was once stabbed because I’m white. Someone actually tried to plant drugs in my locker to get me kicked out of school because I wouldn’t switch spots in class with them. You would never suspect any of this if you met me now.
Anonymous said:
Okay, so I have this friend of mine, yeah? And it's clear that we both like each other because we talk about kissing each other and all that date stuff. We both have expressed our romantic feelings for each other. The catch is she wants to see me in person before we make it official. I'm used to talking to her in person as we went to school together and stuff, but I recently moved away so it's been a while. My main question is how should I handle it when we meet? I'm a nervous person.

Everyone would be nervous in this situation. I’m sure she’s feeling nervous about it too. My advice is to just be your wonderful self near her. She’s already incredibly into you, so you really can’t go wrong there. Take it slow, and breathe. Baby steps. Just focus on feeling comfortable when you meet up, and only after then, should you start to think about the reason why you’re there. I know it’s a scary thing to talk about feelings and become intimate with someone for the first time, but it’s mandatory if you want to ever feel comfortable near them. Take that leap, it will only be hard the first time. Before you know it, you’ll be excited to see her all the time instead of nervous. 

strawbery-wine said:
I don't think I've ever seen advice answered so genuinely honest on here, and intelligently too. I admire you as a person and just wanted to tell you that! Your ability to get thoughts into words is phenomenal. Keep doing you! :)

Finally, I have been called intelligent! My extensive university degree has paid off! Thank you for such a heartwarming message, it was wonderful to open this up after a long day. You rock! 

PS: I dig you url. I don’t drink often, but strawberry wine is fantastic. 

Anonymous said:
I'm not sure weather I like this boy who I am currently speaking to. We speak almost all day everyday and he likes me and I kinda always picture myself with him, i really enjoy talking to him as well. His family is also really nice which is another pro but for some reason I just can't admit to liking him I just don't know how I feel and Idk weather I want to give it a go and ah do you have any advice or help you can give me?

The best way to figure out if you have chemistry with someone is to hang out with them alone. Even hanging out as just friends can really open your eyes about your feelings for someone. But if he already likes you, just let him know that you’d like to go on a date sometime to see if there’s anything between you. Easy as that. Going on a date doesn’t mean you’re confessing your undying love, it just means you want to get to know him better and see if anything sparks from it. You have nothing to lose, and maybe a lot to gain. 

Anonymous said:
Pt 1 - I'm in a fandom, apparently on the winning side of a certain ship war, and this year's Comic Con has caused a shitstorm of epic proportions in a certain part of the fandom. I thought seeing so much good stuff for my ship would inspire me to...

"Part 2 - want to write fan fiction for my ship but the negativity going on is having the exact opposite effect. I’m so disappointed in the behavior from both the opposing shippers and MY side that I feel like my interest in the show itself is waning.

Part 3 - This is supposed to be about fun but it is all so negative. Not only is the opposing ship ship sending the actors rabid hate, but my side is gloating and it’s all just awful. I thought after seeing my ship validated I’d be happier but…

Part 4 - I’m not. What should I do? There are great people on both sides of this. It’s a vocal minority who are being obnoxious. What do you think I should do to recapture my enthusiasm and handle all the crazy at the same time w/out hurting anyone?”

Ahh, fandom nerds. I’ve never met a group of people who can compare to those who have this much passion for what they love. It’s so great that people are finding something to relate to, but sometimes it brings out the absolute worst in people.

The best thing to do is to ignore all of the hate and drama involved. Like you said, there’s some reasonable people in the mess who aren’t being obnoxious and immature about it. Focus on the positive right now. Eventually, this will all die down, but for now it’s going to be a roller coaster. Be a beacon of sanity on your own, and get into touch with those who have the maturity to remember that it’s just a ship and that it’s supposed to be fun. 

Don’t let something like this stop you from doing something that makes you happy. I know other people can impact how we think about ourselves and what we love, but in this case, I think it would be silly to let the drama make your love for this fizzle out. You’re so passionate that you’re writing fan fiction about it! If you need to take a break, by all means. But remember that the fans aren’t the show. Your show is what matters. Don’t let silly people bring you down. 

Anonymous said:
You're blog is perfect , It makes me happy that anyone can tell you anything on it . You give so much advice that benefits everyone <3

Oh thank you!! I love that people are opening up with me! 

Anonymous said:
Okay so where to start, I try very hard to look good and I feel good about myself, I am not the most good looking guy and it doesn't get me anyone girls. Although I think what I don't make up for in looks I make up in personality. Many girls that I have talked too don't seem interested in me and always talk about other guys in front of me and it's annoying because I feel I could give them a lot better than what that other person would do. It doesn't seem like girls look at my personality part 1

"Part 2 I mean shouldn’t that be the most important thing? I don’t know what to do anymore it seems as if there is no hope for me"

It’s absolutely ridiculous to just expect people to like you. It doesn’t matter if you think your personality is good, it matters if they do. You can’t just be nice, and then people will want to be with you. You can’t just give girls niceness and expect sex to come out. That’s not how this works.

Relationships have two very important parts to them. Compatibility and attraction. Do you get along and do you find each other attractive? Good, you’re set. You cannot have a good relationship with someone if you don’t find them physically attractive. Looks actually do matter, but they only matter to yourself and your partner. You only really need that one person to think you’re the bees knees. The sexiest man in the world could be a complete jerk and I wouldn’t go near him. And if I meet someone who had the most amazing personality, but I just don’t find myself wanting to be physically close to them… well, it’s not going to work out. You need both.

Not everyone’s personalities match up. And personalities are only half of the internal qualities that people go for. I like arrogant men, like people who are into video games, and I like people with a job. These are my standards, and these are my preferences. A man can be perfect in every way but if he can’t hold down a job, it’s going to be a nope from me. As someone who has a solid job, it’s not unusual to expect the same from my partners, especially at my age. Some things are more important than others to people. Like video games for me. It’s just a huge bonus if they like them too, but I’m happy gaming alone. 

You seem so concerned about yourself that you’re forgetting to pay attention to the people you’re talking to. These people have interests, standards, and preferences that not everyone is going to meet. Just speaking to someone can help you determine half of them. Sure, you feel like you could be nicer to these girls, but the fact of the matter is that they’re not interested in you regardless of that. Why? You probably don’t have what they want, and that is okay.

What you need to do here is focus less on yourself, and focus more on other people. Find someone who shares your interest and passions in life. Then, be kind to them and try to build a relationship. Show them that your personalities are compatible. Right now, you’re just taking the wrong approach and going for the wrong people. There is all the hope in the world for you if you take what I’m saying into consideration. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, inner and outer. It’s all just a matter of finding someone who you are compatible with, who can see it in you. 

Get home from work.

Immediately take off pants.

gallowhill:

Anthony Gormley, sculptures from “Domains”, “Bodies in Space" and "Apart" at his studio, 2003

gallowhill:

Anthony Gormley, sculptures from “Domains”, “Bodies in Space" and "Apart" at his studio, 2003