I was wondering if my followers could help me out. I hate confrontation, but I’m trying to stop letting unfair treatment slide.
I ordered some body jewelry from one of my favourite websites on July 4th. One of the items was a pre-order piece, meaning they make it themselves to my unique specifications before sending my entire order to me. The process on their website says it will take 6-10 weeks. It never takes that long.
On September 9th, I emailed them asking if there was something wrong with my order or if things were just backed up, as my pre-order items have always been made and shipped off to me in 4 weeks. At this point it had been 10 weeks. They said there was an issue at the manufacturer and that they’re expected to receive my order to ship out in September 25th. Okay, that’s fair, I can wait.
Now, I’ve been a loyal customer and I’ve spent over $500 with their company. I currently get a free 10% discount because I’ve spent so much with them. I love these guys! But I have been waiting for over 13 weeks and I’m getting a little impatient. The order I’m waiting on is worth $125. Do you think it would be too much to ask for a discount on my current oder, or on a future one?
Hi, been reading your blog for quite a long time, and I thought I'd take you up on some objective advice. Over the last five months, I've gotten to know, dated and started a relationship with a wonderful lady that I met whilst at university. Yet, there's an underlying problem that permeates most interactions with her, heightened more so over the last few months. Intimately, it's a lot of fun, and general conversation is rarely ever a bore. But, when it comes to acknowledging feelings, and...
"Second part…: When acknowledging feelings and the future, it seems to run into a rut every time it’s brought up. She’s quite emotionally guarded, and I respect that, considering I feel that I have no place to judge or complain on another persons personality or flaws. But, at the same time, I’m confused and unsure about my position with her daily. I understand constants, such as she’s attracted to me physically and mentally, but in terms of honest feelings, and discussion as to where we are…
Third part… I feel like I need a signpost as to where things are going. Really, what I’m asking is, am I selfish, after four months of dating, to bring up an honest discussion about how I feel, and to get a clear understanding of where I stand? Cheers, and your advice is always interesting, and wise to read, in terms of other answers.”
God no, it’s not selfish to want to know where you stand with a person. Nobody wants to be in the dark about that, especially when you feel like you have an incredible connection with someone. It has been several months. At this point, I would definitely feel the same as you. You want to know where it’s going with her and that is completely fair. Having a bit of a plan or a sign for what direction it’s headed is not too much to ask.
I understand what it’s like to be with an emotionally guarded person. I’ve been dating one for nearly four years. It was very hard to stay sane at first because it’s difficult, as someone who prefers being up to date with my partner’s feelings, to be with someone who does not feel the same about that. You almost feel lost, like you’re not sure what they next day will bring. To put it plainly, it sucked.
Somehow, I managed to keep him around and I found a way to get him to open up. What I did was approach the topic without any emotional intent. It wasn’t a “where do you see us in a few years?” kind of thing, rather a “is our relationship something you’re interested in keeping up in the future”. Oddly, approaching it like it was a business arrangement was quite successful. It’s not that my partner doesn’t have a lot of feelings, he just lacks the ability to formulate them into words. It’s quite possible that yours feels same.
Trust plays a huge factor in relationships like this. Where I may not know his exact thoughts, I trust that they’re positive. Like her, my partner has shown me that we connect and that we are physically attracted to one another. Looking at signs yourself is also very reassuring. I don’t think him asking me to move in with him was a bad sign. I’m sure she also shows signs that her life is more positive with you in it. Non-verbal cues will be your friend until she gets comfortable enough to break down that wall.
If she gets comfortable enough, be as understanding and as open as possible about her feelings. I’ve learned that even if my partner opens up about how he feels and it’s really negative, I should not get upset. He needs trust too. A lot of why she may be guarded is that reason. Perhaps she has opened up in the past and it has backfired on her. Perhaps, she’s afraid to ruin the relationship she has with you by saying the wrong thing. She may be guarded, but there’s feelings there. Something is keeping her from expressing herself. Whether that is not knowing how to, not knowing when to, or not knowing what she is feeling.
For now, let her get comfortable. If you’re itching to ask, try approaching it in a different way. Make it less about emotions and more about having plans. It may take the weight off her actually saying how she is feeling by using different wording to get it across that she’s interested. You’re right, we don’t really have any place getting upset that people do things differently than us. But that does not mean it’s too much to ask to get reassurance that your relationship is not going to be cut short without warning. I think it’s fantastic that you have such a great connection with someone! If that means going a little slower than you prefer, it may all be worth it.
I also want to say that you write beautifully. It is nice to hear from someone who is very connected with how they feel and how to express themselves!
AHH YOURE SO GORGEOUS. SO so soooooo pretttyyyyy.
Ahh! Thank you anon! That’s a very kind thing to say :D